How do you say goodbye to someone you love?
Why does life end? How come we haven’t found the cure for death? What are reasons for sickness and illness? Why do we need to say goodbye to the people we love? How do we say goodbye to someone that was always there for us?
I have been dealing with Life and Death questions for long time. (Maybe one day I’ll write the whole story here). I am not afraid of death or dying; I actually think that death is beautiful, since it sets you free of many things in life that may have stopped or bothered you. On the other hand, I hate death, it’s cruel, it’s unexpected, It can be painful on the way getting there, it can happened anytime without warning and the thing I hate the most about death, that it takes people I love and care.
Last week my grandpa got into hospital, after he wasn’t feeling well few hours later, I was on the plane to be there for him. Many people told me, “Your grandpa? He is probably old, it’s natural”, but it’s not, because my grandpa is strong and he was never sick; this situation got me confused and moreover punched my heart. I started having flashbacks of 32 years, from my childhood to becoming the man I am. I couldn’t stop thinking about him and what how much he is big part of who I am.
My grandpa lives in small city in Israel – Lod and I live in big city in UK- London, which means, that my visit is limited and will come to an end and I will have to say goodbye. So if you knew that you have one day to say goodbye to someone that you love, what would you tell them? How would you summarise life time together with someone? Will you write it in bullet points or will you tell them anything that comes to your mind? But then how would you put in words all the things you want to tell that person without forgetting anything?
I started writing my flashbacks, trying to explain him in words how much he means to me, sharing even small memories of going together to the beach with him every weekend for years or him taking me to classical music concert. I wrote everything I could, but still felt that I couldn’t cover it all.
When he read my letter, his respond was “I didn’t know I was that meaningful to you”. The first think that came to my mind was, “Didn’t I show him my love all these years?”, but then I remembered how modest he is, which made sense why he never thought that his presence in my life is so meaningful. I felt blessed for that moment I could say it to him, on written letter and also in person. I am happy it was not too late and that he could read and hear it from me.
So my dear beloved grandpa Moshe, although I had to go miles away from you and our family, although you said goodbye to me, I’m not willing to say goodbye to you. I don’t want to. I can’t. You are and you will be always with me, you have to, anywhere and everywhere I go and I will do my best to make you proud of me and hopefully one day I could be someone to somebody just like you are to me. I am not waiting for that awful phone call or text message, because I want to dream like a child that you will live forever. I Love you grandpa. Thank you for being my grandpa.